As I mentioned in my last post, dating may seem like a lot of fun and at times it is. Other times it is horrific! The fun times occur when you find a guy that you can talk to. Someone who enjoys you for you and vice versa, no strings attached. I call these guys the good guys and have found a couple of them with one of them being Bear Grylls.
FYI: I reference Bear Grylls by another name as well, but won’t use it here as then it will be obvious who he is. He is an amazing support system and will completely call me out on my shit from a “guy stance” while also giving me the self-confidence I need right now.
The difference between the good guys and the bad ones are that the good ones take the time to learn who I am as a person. They check to see how my day was, bring me ice cream if I am sad and make me laugh when all I want to do is cry. Good guys genuinely want to know who you are and are not just there to see you naked.
On my hunt for a good guy, I have had multiple people offer to set me up.
Reasons why I hate being set-up:
- Only a handful of people really know me. I am very good at playing different roles in my life depending on the situation. People may think that they know who I am, but honestly the only people that really do are my family and a handful of my closet friends. Because of this, I am not sure who people think I am and thus what kind of person they want to set me up with.
- The last thing I need is for a co-worker or friend to set me up with their brother, cousin, friend, etc. and then go on a bad date. This will lead to a weird dynamic, which honestly I just don’t have the energy to deal with.
- I don’t need someone to buy me dinner or drinks. I do pretty damn well for myself. As my dad once told me, you must be pretty good with finances as you supported a pretty expensive habit for 13 years (aka C).
The one and only Blind Date I have gone on…
I should have followed my gut and reminded myself of the above. This blind date came courtesy of my realtor.
At that time, I was spending every free minute with my realtor trying to find a house stat. She loved hearing my dating stories and couldn’t believe The Bald Ginger story. One night she sent me a text asking if she could set me up with a previous client of hers. I figured what the hell, it is just one date and in my weakened state (i.e. coming off a bad date and almost homeless) I said yes.
Things started simple with Blind Date. We exchanged e-mails and got to know each other, which was about a two-month process. The extended e-mailing was due to the fact that I was moving and traveling a lot for work. I really enjoyed the e-mails as each one ended with a few questions for the other person to answer. These questions would range from: what is your favorite color to why did your last relationship end to what is your go-to piece of clothing. I found out a lot about Blind Date and really liked his personality. I also thought it was crazy that we had a lot in common and shared a very memorable story from my childhood.
Childhood Flashback: As a child, my family would go to Steamboat every fourth of July. We would watch the fireworks in the same spot each year, the hill next to the community college. One year, the hill behind us caught fire and it was a huge to-do. There were firetrucks and everything. Instead of watching the fireworks we all turned our attention to the chaos behind us. Blind Date told me that he also would go Steamboat every summer and we exchanged some of our favorite memories. When I exposed this memory to him, he knew exactly what I was talking about! For me, this was a sign that we may be compatible… I was wrong.
Flash forward…a month or so into our e-mailing, we decided to go modern and exchanged numbers. One night around 11 p.m. I got a slew of texts from Blind Date. I didn’t think much about it as I am a night owl and thought maybe he was too. Later I would discover it was a common thing for him to send me weird ass texts late at night. I am pretty sure he was drinking while texting (something you should never do).
But this was the first time he had done it so I didn’t know what I was getting into at this point. He asked me if I had any questions that I was afraid to ask him before we met, which I did not. I am good at reading people though and am aware that if someone asks a question like this that there is a reason behind it. So I reciprocated the question, knowing something was coming. I sat in bed watching the three dots on my phone screen appear as he typed. I then received a question that I have never been asked, “are you vanilla?”. All I could do was laugh.
I laughed for a few reason. First because I thought he may be asking if I was white, which he saw my picture, I can not be mistaken for any other ethnicity. Second because I had just forced myself to read 50 Shades of Grey (it was HORRIBLE and took me months to finish). Third because this question really made me want ice cream. And, finally because I didn’t know how the hell to answer since I had never met this person. I tactfully crafted my response as I told him it would be a topic that we could discuss in person. I also told him that I am never one to judge others and would need more clarification on what exactly what he was asking. I mean there are different levels of BDSM and the last thing I want is to be with someone that wants me to crawl around the house on a regular basis. For me this wouldn’t be sexy. Instead it would be anxiety provoking as all I would think about is how much dog hair is on my floors and that I need to clean. However, maybe I could multitask and put Swiffer pads on my hands and knees. Just a thought.
Okay so at this point you may all be asking yourself why the hell did you decide to go out with this guy. My only answer… curiosity. I had invested months of my time getting to know this guy. I wanted to see what he was like in person.
I thought about cancelling the day of our date as I wasn’t really excited. I left work, got ready in 10 mins and then was 10 mins late because I had to force myself to leave my house. On my way there I text him, “what are you wearing so I know who you are?” He responded, “I am the devilishly handsome guy in the green shirt”. I walked into the bar and I saw an older guy drinking alone in a green t-shirt and thought please god let there be another guy in a green shirt in the bathroom. Unfortunately this was not the case.
It was obvious when I walked in that Blind Date had been drinking for awhile. Also, while he told me that he was excited to meet me, his appearance did not reiterate that excitement. He hadn’t combed his thinning hair and was wearing a green t-shirt with dad jeans and leather bracelets (this picture is his exact outfit minus the bracelets). I cautiously walked over to him. He turned around, saw me and greeted me with a very big and awkward hug. I hesitantly took the seat next to him and looked at the drink menu. I knew that I needed something to get me through the night.
While we had a drink he talked to me non-stop about his job. He is an engineer that has his own company that designs lighting. I sat there without saying a word as he told me all about a slew of people that I didn’t know or care about. He told me about John Boy’s project and how Blind Date supported him and how Billy Bob came in to run the company and now Blind Date has to report to him and that Blind Date is totally fine with that (he told me 30 times that he was fine with reporting to someone, which means he is not fine with it). As he told me this, I smiled and nodded. I felt like I was sitting with a client. He told me the same things over and over again. After we finished our drink, he suggested going next door to have dinner. I know I should have left, yet I really like the restaurant next door and was hungry. You know how some people say guys think with the head below their belt vs the one on their shoulders, well this was a similar scenario as I was thinking my with stomach and not my brain.
Upon sitting down we both ordered another drink. Before placing our drink order he asked me what kind of alcohol I liked and if we could share drinks. I couldn’t hide my feelings about this question as I told him “I will not share a drink with you, that is freaking weird”. He responded that I was rude and he was going to order whatever he wanted even if I didn’t like it. Yeah, dude that is the point… Interestingly enough when we got our drinks he proceeded to take mine and drink out of my straw, not once, not twice, but throughout the entire freaking night until I moved my drink out of his reach!
Half-way through the second drink I noticed that he wasn’t making a move toward the menu. Rather, he was telling me some crazy story about John Boy’s project. At this point I had tuned him out and determined that I had to take the food situation into my own hands. When he stopped talking to take a drink I quickly told him that I was going to order food because I was starving. I told him that we could order a bunch of apps and share (thinking he would be cool with that since he was sharing my drink). He proceed to let me know that everything I wanted to order was gross and that he had to go to the bathroom. When he left for the bathroom I ordered whatever the hell I wanted cause I effing deserved it for putting up with this homie.
When he came back from the bathroom we had the following incidents occur.
- He began to cry as he told me a half an hour story about his friend that passed away two or three years ago. He informed me that he hadn’t seen this friend for a long time before he passed. From there he told me that when he went to the funeral he got very mad because it was a Catholic Mass. He proceed to inform me as to why he was mad, “Briana, I don’t give a shit about Jesus’ life. I just wanted to know about my friend’s life because I hadn’t seen him in so long”. Not offensive at all right?
- The point of the above story was not to inform me that he doesn’t like organized religion. Rather, it was to inform me that after the funeral he was so mad that he had to hear about Jesus and not his friend that he got really drunk on Jager and thus can not stand to drink it anymore.
- I ordered soft shell crab and when he took a bite he vigorously spit it on his plate. I literally thought he broke a tooth, but nope he just ate some shell.
- About an hour into dinner he asked me what I do for a living (something I have told him many times). As I started to talk, he looked over to see a cute twenty something girl on a date with an equally attractive man. He commented on how cute her skirt was and then convinced himself that he knew this girl (Blind Date was 48, I was 100% sure he did not this 20 year old). He interrupted me to tell me that this girl was his close friend and that she was married and must be having an affair with her date as it wasn’t her husband. Blind Date told me that he had to confront her. He then got up, went over and stared at this poor couple. It wasn’t his friend.
- He kept trying to play footsie with me. After about 10 mins of this I sat with my legs crossed in the booth. I didn’t care it was a nicer restaurant.
- He told me that he thought his nephew was kind of an asshole and that he didn’t really get a long with his sister. I have no tolerance for this. I don’t care if my nieces or nephews are the worst children in the world, I will always see the best in them because I love them more than anything else.
- When the final bill came he brought out his phone, turned on the flashlight and looked at it for a long time trying to figure out the tip. I told him I would pay for myself to which he responded “a girl as pretty as you shouldn’t have to pay for anything”. I told him thank you and that he should tip $25-$30 as the bill was $130. He continued to do the math for about 2 mins and then left a $13 tip. This alone was enough to not secure a second date with me. I hate bad tippers.
When dinner was over, I told him that I needed to head home since I had to work early (FYI I get into work at like 9:30 a.m. or so). Despite the fact that he could barely stand up, he insisted on walking me to my car. When I got to my car he went in for a kiss and I quickly shifted my head and gave the good ol’ side hug. I again thanked him for dinner, told him to get home safe and jumped in my car. I let out a huge sigh of relief as I drove away and made my way to the grocery store (I needed laundry detergent which is something that kept running through my mind throughout the date).
About an hour later I got a text from Blind Date thanking me for going out with him. Again I thanked him for dinner and told him that I was heading to bed and to have a good night. The next morning I woke up to a text that was received at 2 a.m. saying that he was aware I will not be going out with him again. I could only imagine that he continued to drink after our date and decided that I would enjoy a self-pity text at 2 a.m. I did respond when I woke up letting him know that I wasn’t sure what to say. He text back that he would like to see me again, but would prefer to have less alcohol involved as he couldn’t find his pants that morning… I never responded.
I did text my realtor though and told her that she owes me a nice bottle of wine or something. She was horrified as I told her the highlights of the date. We are supposed to go for drinks next week so I can fill her in on everything and so she can apologize!
Honestly, I am not annoyed about the date as I am at the point where I take lessons from every experience. The lessons here:
- Trust your gut when you think someone may have a drinking problem because they text you a million times late at night.
- Before agreeing to any more blind dates I need to consider who is setting me up and how well they know my past and what I want in my future.
- Most importantly, think with my head and not with my stomach.